I was painfully reminded of this recently. Although technically, I wasn’t at a bar but at my health club, which was holding a huge film festival event starting at 10 p.m. and slated to go until 1 a.m. (an ideal time span for everyone to arrive drunk, leave drunk and hopefully get laid – or so they think). And believe me, no one was there to work out. As we “cruised” the scene, all the memories of my 20s came flooding back and I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel any differently now than I did then – extremely uncomfortable and out of place. Maybe it’s because I live in Orange County – as in “Real Housewives” territory and all the women here are as plastic as credit cards. Fake boobs, hair, eyelashes and dresses so tight they have to be shrink-wrapped on. Let’s also not forget to mention those “Brazillian booties.” Fernanda of OC Housewives “fame” teaches a class by that name at my health club, but if you don’t want to work that hard, there’s a plastic surgeon who will do it for you. Setting all of that aside, I always feel like such a wallflower while my friends are the blooming buds. Because they get all the attention and I get lucky if some loser (and most of them really are losers) takes a second to ask my name before he quickly focuses his attention on said friend. So true to past experience, this guy comes up to my friend and starts hitting on her. He does take 10 seconds to ask my name and then proceeds to tell us (her) how he usually only dates women half his age and that he takes 24 antioxidants a day and doesn’t he look great for being 48 and by the way, there’s this really cool party in LA next week where lots of people in their 30s will be. What a charmer. You should have seen his spray-painted-on hair. Now I should give him a break. I think everyone from LA or the Valley is weird. Always have, probably always will. This just proves my case. And they all think we’re weird and refer to us as “living behind the Orange Curtain.” So, it goes both ways I guess. As usual, I digress. My point is you have to do what’s comfortable for you. But if you know the bar/club arena isn’t one you want to play in, find something that makes you more comfortable. I’m looking into volunteering more and wish I had done that in my 20s. But I was to busy going to bars.
Word to the wise: Go to a bar and chances are you’re bound to find a boob – or two. It’s good to have fun but make sure that’s what you’re really doing. Besides, there’s more to life than just fun. I think…
Are you comfortable in the bar scene? Please share. Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”
Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog!
We are a group of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community
in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to
work on. You have done a outstanding job!
Thanks! Glad I could be of help 🙂
Hey I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. Do check my post at http://planningwithprintedportal.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/liebster-blog-award/
Hello! Thanks for the nomination – I really appreciate it 🙂 Will check out your post as well.
Eva, your word workout makes Fernanda’s boo-tay look like it was run through a pasta machine. See, I’m sure you could frame that much more poetically than I could. “Pasta machine,” how lame is that…
And don’t sell yourself short. Just because most women at these events have, quote, fake boobs, hair, eyelashes and dresses so tight they have to be shrink-wrapped on, end quote, doesn’t mean you, or anyone for that matter, have to outfit yourself the same to grab attention. Ever heard of reverse psychology?
Your posts make me laugh Eva. I was just talking with my daughter (who will be eligible for the bar scene soon) about how some women seek out men to help them feel better, smarter, prettier, worthy of something that they don’t feel about themselves. If we don’t have a man or partner in our lives then something is wrong with us or we are lacking in some way. If we need a man to help us feel more secure, then we often do terrible things to keep them in a relationship that often aren’t healthy. Since I was wrestling with this issue just yesterday I’m speaking my truth.
Bottom line: I had fun in the bar scene but it wasn’t a place to find relationships or a man who didn’t focus on outer beauty. Try something more esteeming that won’t leave us hungover.
Hey you! What a great comment 🙂 It is true – I think that insecurity doesn’t leave those of who are single. I love your last line and totally agree – better to feel needed and appreciated (volunteering) vs. headachy, stomached, couch potato 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
P.S. Can’t believe Kaitlin is that old – no way – you exaggerating.
Nope. Never been comfortable in the bar scene. Even when I drank. Could be my insecurity. But mostly I think I’m just not apt to meet the kind of person I’m interested there. I like your idea of volunteering. You’re much more likely to meet a giver there. And if you don’t, you’ve still spent your time wisely. Being of service to someone is more fulfilling than trying to service someone. If ya know what I mean.