Monthly Archives: March 2015

Mar25

52. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Eva Finn

I was having lunch recently with a dear friend who was going through a hard time and I asked her if she prayed. She said she hadn’t really done so in awhile and I told her that I prayed most every night. I didn’t always. My parents for various reasons didn’t bring me up in a religious environment and I never felt like I was missing that much. I was definitely on the agnostic side in my teens and 20s. But I think the person that changed all that was my stepmom. While she didn’t go to church, she had a very strong faith and prayed a lot. And she would always let me know that she was praying for me. Somehow, no matter what I was struggling with, whether it was my intense fear of getting on an airplane after 911 or the nervousness of interviewing for a dream job or having my heart broken by some guy who didn’t deserve my tears, I knew she was praying for me. So somewhere in my 30s, I can’t pinpoint when, I decided I’d give it a try, too. And once I did, I noticed my life changed in many positive ways. I don’t know if that was just a coincidence, but I tend to think not. As my friend and I talked more about prayer, she asked me what I prayed for. I thought that was a good question, because in the beginning, I didn’t know how to pray and I didn’t know whom to ask. Was there a secret formula? I did ask a few spiritual friends and they helped me a lot by giving me some structure. So if it helps, and you’re wondering how to pray, like I was when I first started, here’s my conversation with God every night (well, most every night – sometimes I fall asleep – then find myself apologizing the next morning):

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my beautiful cat who is so nice and loving and sweet and is such a good boy. (If my cat is sitting next to me, I might meow to him).

Thank you for _____________________________________(three to five good things that happened today – even if it was the worst day ever – did I see the clouds? Hear the birds? Have a stranger smile at me?)

Please watch over our brave troops and bring them home safely to their families and friends. And please watch over their brave, beautiful dogs.

Please protect the animals and help me to protect them, too.

Please give us LOTS of rain. (I live in Southern California)

Please watch over my family and friends.

Please watch over and guide ______________________________________(I say specific names of family members and friends and what they are struggling with)

Please watch over me personally and professionally (I give examples of where I need guidance)

Please watch over those I’ve loved (I list the names of all the people and pets who have passed in my life)

Thank you for everything Lord, I am truly grateful.

So I told my friend that I would pray for her. And I think that made her feel better. I often want to tell people that I’ll pray for them, but not knowing they’re religious affiliation, sometimes I feel weird doing so. Instead, I mostly say, “I’ll think the good thoughts for you.” It’s always nice to hear when those good thoughts are answered for me and my family and friends – not to mention, the world in general.

For some more ideas, you can check out: http://www.spiralgoddess.com/InterFaith_Daily_Prayers.html

Word to the wise: A little prayer goes a long way. I’ve seen the power of prayer in my own life and those of others. Even if you’re skeptical, how can it hurt?

Have you always prayed? Are there any prayers you’d like to share? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Mar18

51. Meditate to calm your mind and heal your spirit.

Posted on March 18, 2015 by Eva Finn

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The wounds in our 20s can be many. It’s a time we’re at our most vulnerable and we expose ourselves to new friendships, dating and career experiences, while trying to sever ties with our parents. When I think back on my twenties, I wonder how I got out of them alive. One thing I wish I had known more about back then was meditation. All I remember is working three jobs, going to college and getting my heart broken time and time again. I probably would have laughed if someone had said, “Sit in silence for 20 minutes a day and repeat a positive mantra, such as “Love is the only miracle there is.” I think just the thought of sitting alone and being quiet probably is the part that would have scared me to death. Here are some other common fears about meditation:

It takes too much time.

The most common concern potential meditators express is that they’re afraid they won’t have time to meditate. They think they’re too busy, and that finding even 20 minutes twice a day isn’t possible. This belief in a lack of time really stems from a misunderstanding of the value of meditation. In fact, we can always find 20 minutes for something we believe is important or valuable.

It’s too hard to concentrate.

Another misconception is that people feel that their minds are just too scattered or too stressed to meditate. In actuality, every engaged and responsible person in the modern world has a somewhat over stimulated and stressed mind. But this nature of the mind to move from one thought to another is in fact the very basis of meditation.

It will make me lose my edge.

The third most common misconception is that meditation is for people without real problems and responsibilities. They are afraid that meditation will make less effective in dealing with difficult and challenging life situations. There’s the fear that in being relaxed and at peace, they will lose their edge and effectiveness. In fact, meditation prepares us for dynamic activity.

Learn more at: http://www.chopra.com/ccl/3-common-fears-of-new-meditators?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=n%2Fa&utm_content=Newsletter%20150317&utm_campaign=March#sthash.cTLNALSo.dpuf

So as part of my Morning Miracle (See last week’s post: https://wisebefore25.com/2015/03/11/50-become-a-morning-person/), I’m adding meditation to my yoga practice. Because it has many mind and body benefits, which have been scientifically proven. Through meditation you can:

Reduce your stress.
Lower your blood pressure.
Decrease any tension-related pain, such as, tension headaches, ulcers, insomnia, muscle and joint problems.
Increase serotonin production to improve your mood and behavior.
Improve your immune system.
Feel like your da bomb! (A friend of mine said I was never aloud to say “da bomb” again but writing it is different than saying it, right?)

Of course, it does also help to have a mantra. Here are a few popular ones:

Ham-Sah” – The Hindu variant, meaning I am THAT.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Gandhi
“Every day in every way I’m getting better and better.” – Laura Silva

If you’d like to see some more mantras, check out http://www.finerminds.com/spirituality/mantras-for-meditation/

So, I know we’re all stressed and never more so than now, but if we can find 20 minutes a day to meditate, I think we’ll all be in a better place and those around us will benefit, too.

Word to the wise: Om. Om. Om. Om. Om. Om. One of the easiest mantras ever and if you say it to yourself for 20 minutes, you’ll feel like you can take on the next 20 hours.

Do you meditate? What are some of your favorite mantras? How do you concentrate? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Mar11

50. Become a morning person.

Posted on March 11, 2015 by Eva Finn

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I am not one. Never have been one. There is probably nothing more that I hate than getting up in the morning. Or for that matter, all day. To give you an idea of how I feel about getting out of my warm bed every day, here’s one of my favorite poems, by the brilliant Dorothy Parker called “Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom:”

Daily dawns another day;

I must up, to make my way.

Though I dress and drink and eat,

Move my fingers and my feet,

Learn a little, here and there,

Weep and laugh and sweat and swear,

Hear a song, or watch a stage,

Leave some words upon a page,

Claim a foe, or hail a friend-

Bed awaits me at the end.

Though I go in pride and strength,

I’ll come back to bed at length.

Though I walk in blinded woe,

Back to bed I’m bound to go.

High my heart, or bowed my head,

All my days but lead to bed.

Up, and out, and on;

and then  Ever back to bed again,

Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall-

I’m a fool to rise at all!

But my strategy of sleeping as late as could just didn’t seem to be getting me anywhere anymore. I was envious of morning people and knew the world secretly envied them, too. I always heard, “Oh morning people get so much more done.” “They’re so productive.” And of course, at the office, who doesn’t love the guy who calls a 7 a.m. meeting? Well, I still probably wouldn’t love that guy.

So here’s what I’m doing and I started today. I found a book called “The Miracle Morning” – http://miraclemorning.com. Here’s an excerpt that really resonated for me:

How you wake up each day and your morning routine (or lack thereof) dramatically affects your levels of success in every single area of your life. Focused, productive, successful mornings generate focused, productive, successful days—which inevitably create a successful life—in the same way that unfocused, unproductive, and mediocre mornings generate unfocused, unproductive, and mediocre days, and ultimately a mediocre quality of life. By simply changing the way you wake up in the morning, you can transform any area of your life, faster than you ever thought possible.

So, I set my iPhone alarm for six a.m. and prayed some good would come of it. I also used a few tips from the book to keep myself going (and some timeframes I’ve assigned for each):

Turn on the lights (30 seconds to a minute, depending on how groggy I am)
Brush teeth and splash cold water on face (Two to five minutes)
Get dressed (Two to five minutes)
Do some yoga or other form of exercise (15 minutes)
Read some inspirational books or quotes (5-10 minutes)
Write something in a journal (5 minutes)
Drink water (ongoing)
Don’t eat right away – it will slow you down (I get up at 6 so I’ll wait until 8)
Work on my blog and/or my YA novel (60 minutes)
Don’t go back to bed (still struggling with this one!) (All day)

And most important, do this for 30 days. Because, it takes 30 days for anything to become habit.

I see that it’s actually getting light out. I’ve enjoyed these moments of quiet repose and the chance to sit down and write without distractions. The day will begin soon enough at 8 a.m. but in the meantime, I’ve got 20 more glorious minutes to work on this post. Am I a morning person yet? I just might be. Who’s in with me?

Word to the wise: The right morning can make your day. Why not give yourself every opportunity to be successful? I encourage you try it.

Are you a morning person? Do you have any secrets and tips to help those of us who aren’t? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Mar4

49. Calling is for men, texting is for teenagers.

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Eva Finn

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What a stinger from Patti Stanger, a.k.a., “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” If you’ve ever watched her show, you could say she’s kind of “old school” when it comes to dating. And mostly, so am I. Because I think in some ways, with women’s liberation, my generation and those that followed me got the short end of the stick. Men think we don’t need them anymore or that they don’t need to pursue us, because many of us will do their job for them. This is especially true in the case of young women. When social media is the norm and everyone is available every minute of every day via text, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapfish, etc., our communications with men become less special and I think we do, too. There was a time when we only had phones, you know the ones that had dials on them? Back then, it was generally easier to discern a man’s level of interest after a date. If you didn’t hear from him for a few days, or let’s say a week, you were fairly sure you wouldn’t hear from him again and said to yourself, “Next!” Today, the lines are so blurred. Even if someone isn’t that interested after a date, you might not know it. Texting breeds a kind of familiarity that if you don’t know someone, shouldn’t be there until you do. And it goes further than that. I’ve seen the most inappropriate texts between husbands and wives arguing over the most major issues in their marriage! It’s a great escape, isn’t it? You don’t have to cancel a date with someone by calling them, you don’t have to get to know someone by spending time with them and you certainly don’t have to be that interested to keep stringing someone along. And most important, you don’t have to talk to anyone!

Here are some more wise thoughts from a fellow blogger on dating in the digital age:

“While it seems more comfortable and convenient to communicate with friends via electronic messaging, it is actually a less effective way to establish a meaningful relationship. Conversations are shortchanged when you rely on texting, because you miss the emotional complexity that takes place in a face to face interaction.” You can read more of her thoughts at http://onceuponastruggle.com/2015/01/26/the-relationship-failure-of-the-digital-age/

Word to the wise: Real men may not eat quiche, but if they like you, they will call. Never forget that your voice is something truly special. And the guy you’re dating should want to hear it.

What do you think about dating in the digital age? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”