So, I was on a date last night and there was some interesting conversation. Somehow, the topic of “red flags” came up. I don’t think that when I was in my 20s that I was looking out for those as much as I should have. Or if I noticed any, I completely ignored them because by the time I did notice them, it was too late. I was already in ADD – another dating disaster. I got to thinking about what my red flags are today as now I’m now more aware of them because my friends will constantly point out, “Red flag!” when I mention the behaviors of some of the people I’ve dated/been dating. My date and I did a little brainstorming last night and here are the red flags he hopes he doesn’t find with someone he just starts to date (there are just five – but I thought they were all pretty good so I’ll share them):
- Past addictions
- Issues with exes
- Mentally unbalanced
This got me to thinking about my list. What are the red flags that make me want to run (besides 1-5 above)? So here are a few more that I’d like to throw in:
- Does not live in their own place
- Current addictions
- Poor/nonexistent relationships with family and friends
I’m sure there’s a few more on your list (and mine). But this is a good start for some basics. It can be difficult to ignore the red flags when you meet someone you’re really into. But as I’ve learned, if they’re there to begin with, they’ll be there when you end it. And it’s a lot more painful at that point than just going out on a few dates.
Here’s a more detailed list of red flags from Psychology Today, aptly titled: “Thirteen Dating Red Flags for Women:”http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/millennial-media/201312/13-dating-red-flags-women
Word to the wise: Dating is hard. But being in a bad relationship – even harder. Take some time to think about what your red flags are and know how to recognize them when you see them.
What are some of your red flags and how has knowing them helped you to become more successful in your dating life? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”
Here’s a good red-flag incident. First date with this guy, and this girl comes up to me on the dance floor and says, “Nice guy you’re with. Not!” and walks away. Stupid me, I never went and asked her to explain her side of the story. Should have. It probably would’ve saved me years of douchebaggery.
Ah yes, if we could only talk to their ex-girfriends/wives. We’d all be saved from a ton of douchebaggery as well. But, listening to what they have to say about their exes, if we really listened, could also save us from them 🙂
Great point – flexibility is good. And so are instincts. Nobody said it was going to be easy…Thanks for your wise insights 🙂
All good flags. It’s always nice to know going in what’s “negotiable”. I think allowing for some flexibility is probably wise (especially as we get older). But that’s not to be confused with compromise or ignoring your instincts. Thanks for the reminder!