Tag Archives: Self-esteem

48. Find your creativity.

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This can be hard to do at any age. So often, by the time we’re in our late teens and early 20s, theCreative expectations of others get in the way of who we are and who we want to be. Some of us go to college and get a degree in something we’re not that excited about, or some of us drift through our 20s, trying to find a sense of purpose. A few will follow their dream and get knocked down or succeed. The beauty is, creativity is there for the taking, no matter where you are in your life. I believe we are all creative people and there are many ways it can be expressed. Here are a few things creative people have in common:

They see inspiration in everything. Creative spirits become inspired by anything and everything, from an unusual pattern on a leaf to the bright lights of a city at night. They see the world as their oyster, and have a knack for finding inspiration in the most unlikely of places.

They practice self-development. Imaginative people know that a foggy, unproductive, negative brain will block their creativity and not allow them to express themselves fully. They read self-help books, practice mindfulness, meditate, do yoga, and say positive affirmations. (See https://wisebefore25.com/2014/12/31/46-resolutions-can-be-daunting-affirmations-are-self-empowering/)

They have a “yes” mentality. They say yes to life, because they know this will create more opportunities for them. They do things even when they’re scared or unsure – they realize that momentum coupled with a positive attitude create the perfect mixture for exciting things to happen. If you’d like to see more traits of creative people, read this enlightening article:         http://www.powerofpositivity.com/25-things-creative-people-differently/

I for one am going to get started on another entry for this blog! And make a new recipe from the “Cooking with Everything Trader Joe’s” cookbook http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-With-Things-Trader-Cookbook/dp/0979938481 – the Chicken Marsala Casserole on page 156 looks tantalizing.

Word to the wise: Whether it’s visiting a museum, making your favorite recipe or writing the Great American Novel, do something for your soul today. You know, just walking through a store like Urban Outfitters or Anthropolgie makes me feel more creative. Of course, writing this blog helps, too!

What inspires you? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

46. Resolutions can be daunting. Affirmations are self-empowering.

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It’s New Year’s Eve and no doubt, many of us are thinking about our resolutions for 2015. It’s no New Year's Evesurprise that losing weight tops all of the lists and surveys. As I got to thinking of resolutions of my own (although I stopped calling them “resolutions” years ago) I felt like I had to dig deeper. This year needed to be different. In years past, I’d write a list of goals and generally accomplish them. Last year, I flew by the seat of my pants and just had a few thoughts. One of which, was getting back into and committing to my yoga practice. Without writing it down, I was able to do that and I’m so glad I did. During the last class of this year, one of my favorite instructors imparted her wisdom regarding intentions for the New Year. She said we could make affirmations about what we want in our lives and that even if we made only one – that would be enough. I wondered if there was only one thing that I wanted in my life in 2015 and I had to affirm it, what would it be? I had an immediate idea but wanted to make sure I chose just the right words (yes, I am a writer and probably a bit of a nut). So I went online and found some nifty affirmations. I really enjoyed quite a few of these: https://www.pinterest.com/christieinge/positive-affirmations-for-women/ I actually found one that said what I wanted to affirm in a way that I wanted to say it:

I deserve relationships that thrive.

Here are a few others I thought were worthwhile:

I am willing to have my own back.

I am patient with myself and worthy of all the waiting.

I choose to let go of the OLD so that I can finally start making progress with the NEW path I want to take in my life.

In my 20s, I always celebrated the New Year in a big way and wrote down resolutions that I actually sometimes kept. I think if you’re a young woman today, it helps to think positively and visualize what you see for yourself in the New Year and years ahead. Of course, a great party to celebrate your affirmations doesn’t hurt either! Wishing you all a happy, healthy and successful New Year. Cheers!

Word to the wise: One positive affirmation is worth 10 resolutions. As we say in the ad biz, keep it simple. And if it starts to work for you, why not try a few more?

What is your affirmation for 2015? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

45. When you gain something, you lose something. When you lose something, you gain something.

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Thanks to ScarJo for this profound bit of wisdom. No wonder she’s one of Barbara Walter’s “10 Most HiResFascinating People of 2014.” Although, I think she was quoting someone else. Needless to say, when I heard it, it hit me hard. I started to think about all the times of loss and gain in my life, including some of the hardest losses in my 20s (like the death of my best friend). But for all I lost, and gained, the balance of life usually seemed to equal everything out. Take this year for example. I lost my job at the end of July. Clearly, losses on that front included steady income, stability, health insurance, paid vacation and retirement benefits. Wow. That’s quite a few hits. But what have I gained? Well, let’s see. There’d be more freedom, time to re-evaluate what I want to be when I grow up (even though I already am), meeting new people and getting out in the world, fear of the unknown (which might not be the worst thing for a planner like me) and knowing who I can, and can’t count on. Another thing that comes to mind is all the times I’ve been in crappy relationships and finally decided to call it quits. Although I cried a lot and missed people who weren’t really all that great, I gained my self-respect, dignity and the knowledge that I deserved better. Loss does seem to be an easier thing to reflect on. Weighing the pros and cons of gain is harder. Who doesn’t feel good when they gain something? So I thought back and remembered how happy I was when I bought my first condo on my own. Woo hoo! That was clearly a big gain, by any standards. But with becoming a homeowner, I was now tied to a mortgage, making and paying for all my own repairs and coughing up property taxes twice a year. However, I am a homeowner and I love it. As this year comes to a close, let me give it up to ScarJo for helping me to think profoundly and deeply about where I am today and how I got here. I hope her borrowed words of wisdom help you as well.

Word to the wise: Now is a great time to reflect on what you’ve lost and gained in 2014 and throughout your life. Yes, it’s the holidays and boy, talk about a time filled with both ends of the spectrum. All the better to analyze and be wise.

What have you lost or gained and which do you think is easier and why? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

44. Make sure you know what your red flags are and when someone you meet is waving them.

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So, I was on a date last night and there was some interesting conversation. Somehow, the topic of “red flags” came up. I don’t redflagthink that when I was in my 20s that I was looking out for those as much as I should have. Or if I noticed any, I completely ignored them because by the time I did notice them, it was too late. I was already in ADD – another dating disaster. I got to thinking about what my red flags are today as now I’m now more aware of them because my friends will constantly point out, “Red flag!” when I mention the behaviors of some of the people I’ve dated/been dating. My date and I did a little brainstorming last night and here are the red flags he hopes he doesn’t find with someone he just starts to date (there are just five – but I thought they were all pretty good so I’ll share them):

  1. Smoking
  2. Past addictions
  3. Issues with exes
  4. Unemployed
  5. Mentally unbalanced

This got me to thinking about my list. What are the red flags that make me want to run (besides 1-5 above)? So here are a few more that I’d like to throw in:

  1. Does not live in their own place
  2. Late
  3. Cheap
  4. Current addictions
  5. Poor/nonexistent relationships with family and friends

I’m sure there’s a few more on your list (and mine). But this is a good start for some basics. It can be difficult to ignore the red flags when you meet someone you’re really into. But as I’ve learned, if they’re there to begin with, they’ll be there when you end it. And it’s a lot more painful at that point than just going out on a few dates.

Here’s a more detailed list of red flags from Psychology Today, aptly titled: “Thirteen Dating Red Flags for Women:”http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/millennial-media/201312/13-dating-red-flags-women

Word to the wise: Dating is hard. But being in a bad relationship – even harder. Take some time to think about what your red flags are and know how to recognize them when you see them.

What are some of your red flags and how has knowing them helped you to become more successful in your dating life? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

42. Spending time with your parents now is a gift you may not have later.

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I understand when you’re in your 20s this may be easier said then done. For many of us, our natural instincts arethumbnail to pull away from our parents and push toward independence. But there needs to be a balance. Some people never resolve parental issues and their parents die and that’s that. Only they’re left with all the things they didn’t say. And then there are those who lose their parents when they’re all too young. I had a friend who was only 24 when she lost her mother to cancer. She grieves this loss every day. Fortunately, both of my parents are still alive, and we are close. But it wasn’t easy to get here. Living nearby helps – although some would argue it’s better to be far away. Whatever your situation or age, it’s important to get to know your parents and help them get to know you. While they can be your biggest judges and critics, they can also be your hugest supporters. Because they’ve been around longer, they also typically know more than you do about most things (even though they may make you want to scream sometimes). But don’t just take my word for it, here’s an excerpt from The Learning Network (http://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/01/how-close-are-you-to-your-parents/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0) in the New York Times: “Our research shows that the closer bonds between young adults and their parents should be celebrated, and do not necessarily compromise the independence of the next generation. Twenty-five years ago, young people sought advice and help from naïve peers. Today’s young adults may be savvier than their predecessors; they receive advice and help from middle-aged adults with greater life experience and material resources to offer.” And now I’m going to contradict everything I just said. On the other hand, every one has a time in their lives where they bond strongly with their parents and also a time when they don’t. For better or worse, this has been my experience. But it doesn’t have to be yours. Can you think of ways you can spend more time with your parents today?

Word to the wise: If you think your parents are going to be around forever, think again. Make the most of the relationship you have or improve the one you don’t. You’ll be amazed at how much better life gets when you do.

What’s your relationship with your parents like? How can you improve it? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

41. Have a monthly game night with the girls.

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This idea comes from my stepmom, another very wise woman. She has a friend who started this tradition in her2026939_HiRes 20s and decades later, these ladies still get together to play cards. If you’re not into cards, it can be bunko, a book club, wine-tasting night or anything that you and your friends enjoy. It’s also nice to take turns hosting. That way each of you spends time at the other’s places. The main thing is, that you stay connected. I wish I had a group like this when I was in my 20s because I miss a lot of the friends I had back then. And maybe if we had done this, we’d be like my stepmom’s friend, still in touch and building on years of memories and friendship. Fortunately, I have a great group of women in my life now and we have been getting together for happy hour from time to time. Since some of us recently moved, we thought it would be fun to have happy hours at our houses, where the host provides the munchies and the guests bring the beverages. While not a traditional game night, it will get us all together in a more relaxed and intimate setting. As time goes on, we may even play some games. Here are a few fun ideas: http://www.brit.co/game-night-ideas/. I just might have to get “Anomia:” ‘Take advantage of all the random information floating around in your head with this game that requires you to face off with other players and race to give a correct answer to the question on your opponent’s card’.” After a few glasses of wine, all of us may have a lot less random information in our heads and hopefully a few good laughs. Make it a point to get together with the girls in your life. It’s good to know they’re there for you and you for them.

Word to the wise: Keep your friends close. Establishing a routine with your friends now can give you comfort and stability for years to come.

Got some ideas for game nights or how to get them going? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

40. If you want something, visualize it, although you may find you don’t want it after all.

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I was having lunch with a very mature 23-year old the other day and as humbling as it was, she seemed to knowdreamstime_s_26320973 more than me about many things. I think it was Aristotle who said, “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” I was fascinated how, at such a young age, she knew how old she wanted to be when she got married, that she wanted to have children and that she will easily be able to balance her career with family. She also wants to live on the beach in a beautiful home. She described how she could see herself on the balcony and could feel the ocean breeze at night. She said she saw all of this for herself and is confident it will happen. And strangely enough, I believed her. I’ve heard over the years about visualization, that you have to picture something you want in your mind and that you will get it.I always thought of this as mumbo jumbo – I am a bit of a cynic. But the more she spoke, the less sure I became of my stance on this subject. She said that if I couldn’t visualize something, it meant I wasn’t ready for it. Damn, that girl was smart. She got me to really start thinking about what I want. Some of us have the extreme fortune, like my 23-year old friend, of knowing early on how to pave the path to their dreams and desires. But even if you don’t, there’s no harm in trying. So if there’s something you think you want, try to see it. And if you can, then maybe you’re ready for it. 

Word to the wise: It doesn’t hurt to visualize. All that’s required is you and your mind, which turns out, truly is a powerful thing. Here’s a little something to help you get started: http://www.qualified-lifecoach.com/Visualization.html

What do you think about visualization? Has it ever worked for you? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”