Boy, I sure wish I’d learned this one before I turned 25. Not that I could be compared to Gene Simmons, but I certainly was no angel. And while some of it may have been fun, most of the time, I felt empty and unfulfilled. Inside, I always wished that each one would be the one. And as the years passed, all of these encounters didn’t bring me any closer to what I really wanted – a loving relationship with my soul mate. I recently watched an indie film called “Tiny Furniture,” which was the precursor to the HBO series, “Girls.” Honestly, it made me melancholy and quite sad. I thought young women had come so far and weren’t doing the stupid stuff that I did. Or at least not as much of it. All this talk of “Girl Power” allowed me to believe that we were above degrading ourselves for some loser guy. That said, if you still want to have “fun” and think you can handle it – all I can say is be safe. But also, be honest with yourself about what it is you really want.
Here are a few good questions to ask yourself about your friends with benefits relationship or other casual encounters: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/donna-davidge/casual-sex-good-idea-you
Word to the wise: A good lay is just a good lay. It won’t keep you warm at night, especially after the door closes and someone says they’ll call and they never do.
What do you think about casual sex? Do you think these experiences hurt or help young women? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”
Many have told me that my life is an open book. As clearly, writing this blog would indicate. And I’ve also been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. These are not terrific qualities for attracting and getting a guy – or keeping him. There was an expression I heard once, and I apologize in advance for the language – but it goes like this: “Only show a man half your ass.” This is an incredibly wise saying. Why? Because honestly, men really don’t want or need to know everything, and I mean everything, about you. You should always have some things you keep to yourself. Not only does this help you maintain your independence, it also makes your guy wonder from time to time what you’re up to. Or what you’ve been up to. Nothing wrong with that. This concept, unfortunately, is even harder for most of us to do today because of Facebook, Twitter and what I call the social networking palooza. Everyone seems to be sharing way too much. But that doesn’t mean you have to, too.
Word to the wise: Let him spill his secrets. When you share less about yourself, the more he’ll share with you. And that’s a secret all wise women know. Here’s some more interesting thoughts on this mysterious subject: http://ezinearticles.com/?Mystery-Solved—How-to-Be-Mysterious-and-Keep-Him-Wanting-More&id=3031693
How do you feel about keeping a bit of mystery in your relationship? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”
Yes, that really happened to me and boy, was it surreal. Needless to say, I didn’t take him up on his offer and things at the office were more than a little awkward after that. Oh and whatever you do, don’t go out with married guys, especially if they’re your boss. Just don’t go out with married guys in general. No matter how often they ask. Even if they offer to take you away for the weekend to some really cool place you can’t afford because you’re trying to pay off your credit card debt (see post #6, “Lots of credit card debt is no way to go through your 20s”). Not my finest moment, but I did go away to Mexico for a weekend with another boss who was married and beyond persistent. The affair didn’t last long and I lost my job because of it. What can I say? I was only 27 and the guy wined and dined me and told me I was the most wonderful thing in the world. But it didn’t change the fact that he was married and had three kids. Had the affair continued, I would have been alone at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, not to mention Valentine’s Day, while he was spending time with his wife and family. I’m so glad that I never had to go through any of that. I never looked at a married man again, even if he looked at me.
Word to the wise: Don’t date married men. You have everything to lose – including precious time – while they have everything to gain. And if you were his wife, how would you feel? If you believe in karma, and I sure do, keep yours good. Check out what this guy has to say on the subject:
Ever dated someone who’s married? How did it turn out? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”
You know, I was a real car slob – and not just in my teens and 20s. I honestly don’t know how I ever got past a first date, especially if I was driving (hint – one way to avoid this altogether is to make the guy drive). One of my favorite cars, I remember it fondly, was a black Nissan Sentra. It lit up like an airplane cockpit at night. And I had so much stuff in it that you could barely get in the front seat – let alone put your feet anywhere. Between my CD collection (of course the cases were everywhere but I could never find the CD that went with each case), water bottles, junk mail, dry cleaning and used condoms (kidding), the state of my car became a joke among my family and friends. Although it would appear I was the only one who didn’t get it. Honestly, it was embarrassing. And, it sort of made me feel bad about myself, which, when I was in my 20s, I had more than enough to feel bad about already.
Word to the wise: Today, I’m a neat car freak. And the best part of all, I’m never embarrassed to drive. Or meet someone for a date and have him walk me to my car. Of course, what happens after that is anyone’s guess.
Are you a car star or slob? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”
If I had a nickel for every guy who said that to me, I’d have more money than Bill Gates. Well, almost. And apparently, Taylor Swift just had a similar experience. You should take heart in her song, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” where she sings, “We hadn’t seen each other in a month, when you said you needed space. (What?).” Sound familiar? It sure does to me. If some douche bag told you he needs space, you should really make that song your anthem. And whatever you do, don’t take it personally. Clearly, Taylor Swift didn’t. She just got that sucker back in a song. The lowdown is if some schmuck says this to you, he just wants to keep you dangling while he explores his options. Like the cute blond he met at the club last night. The last time a guy told me he needed space, I was dumb enough to ask, “How much?” Please don’t ever demean yourself this way. If he needs space, give him all the room he needs. Maybe even suggest he move to Montana.
Word to the wise: This is always a no-win situation – for you. If you allow this type of behavior, he will gladly take you for granted and continue dating other women and eventually, break up with you. That may not be what you want to hear, but when you think about all of your friends who are in good relationships or are married, have they ever told you that their guy needed space? If the answer to that is yes, I doubt they have the kind of relationship you want anyway.
What do you think? Note: Your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”