Contrary to Romeo Void’s lament, a girl in trouble is not a temporary thing. No matter what the outcome, if you’re that girl, it’s with you for life. While I have may have done many unwise things in my teens and 20s, getting pregnant wasn’t one of them. And even though I haven’t experienced an abortion firsthand, I speak from the experience of my friends. A few of who have had more than one abortion by the time they were 25. Case in point: A dear friend of mine got pregnant in her late 30s and wasn’t sure she wanted to keep the baby. Because she’d already had three abortions, she knew if she had another one, she might never be able to have children at all. So she kept it. All I knew was I couldn’t face myself if I had to have an abortion. So I did whatever I could to avoid a situation that would be unbearable for me. And bottom line, there was absolutely no way I was ready to have a baby. But in the heat of the moment, all of this is quickly forgotten. That’s why I’m on the pill and have been for years. Of course, if you’re really smart, you won’t tell guys that. Because unless he’s your boyfriend and you know for a fact he’s not cheating on you, it pays to be safe. As in make him wear a condom anyway. It protects you from other things, too. And when you’re on the pill, you’ll never have to worry if it has hole.
Word to the wise: There are plenty of ways to protect yourself and you’re the one who has to do it. Unless, of course, you don’t mind having an abortion or two. Or giving your baby up for adoption (see “Juno”). Or keeping it even though you’re not ready. None of these are attractive options and much harder than choosing a method of birth control and using it. And if you’re still not convinced, just watch an episode of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant.”
What are your thoughts on this touchy topic? Any personal experiences or experiences of friends you’d like to share? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”
This pontisg knocked my socks off
Thank you! I hope they were knocked off in a good way 🙂
It’s a tough topic, and you are brave to take it on. Sometimes it is easier to simply ignore or avoid the troublesome issues, to refuse to think them through and consciously decide what position to take on them, one that resonates with our core beliefs, whatever they may be or become. And politics aside, the harsh reality is that the choices we make today, for better or worse, are the memories we will have to look back on tomorrow. Do the mature thing and make it a personal policy, no matter what everyone else is doing or saying, of doing what you KNOW is the right thing, no matter if it is inconvenient, unpopular, embarrassing, frustrating or painful, or even just icky. And be prepared to live with the consequences of your choices forever, because you are the author of your own personal history. Work to make sure it is something you will enjoy revisiting later, rather than cringing, like I sometimes have to!
Wow! I couldn’t agree more. Some pretty insightful stuff. I hope young women are reading this and appreciating the wisdom you shared. As the saying goes, for everything we do, there is a price. One can only answer for oneself what price they’re willing to pay – or not to. Thanks for your brave comment 🙂
Articles like these put the consumer in the driver seat-very imrtptano.
Hello, I don’t about consumers, but certainly young women who don’t want to get pregnant 🙂 Thank you for your comment.
Hi Eva, I agree with your advice wholeheartedly. I also knew I would never be able to live with myself if I had an abortion and abstained from sex until I met my now ex-husband at 18. At times it felt like I was the only virgin I knew because girls as young as 15 were having sex and abortions.
I very close friend of mine did have an abortion while in a committed relationship. She was young, 18 or 19 and the guy already had a daughter that was in his care. He pushed her to have it done because he wasn’t ready to have another child. It was painful to watch her go through it and even more painful to watch her punish herself for that choice years later when her first son was born and she kept thinking what her first baby would have been like. When she felt pregnant a second time and miscarried at 3 months she was convinced that God was punishing her for having the abortion. That is pain I do not wish on anyone.
I will say this: I do not judge anyone for making that choice. I myself grew up with a mother that did not love me and emotionally abused me. I don’t believe I am a mistake, but some people should never have children and I don’t wish my childhood on anyone. BUT, if any girl is faced with the choice of abortion, know one thing: you will carry it with you for the rest of your life and once you do decide to have children, it will eat at your heart and soul even more wondering what that child would have been like and once you have children you realise that you are never ready for parenthood, you kind of learn as you do it, so you would have been just as capable of doing it the first time around.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I met this vibrant, incredible woman in my 20s (a while ago!) who gave up a child when she was in her early 20s for adoption. At 45, she was still searching for him and it pained her every day not knowing where he was and how his life had turned out. Whether it’s abortion or adoption or keeping the baby, as you say, the choice is something you’ll carry with you for the rest of your life. Thank goodness I’ve never been in that position – but my heart breaks for those who have. Thanks for your very personal and insightful comment.
Excellent blog. Abortion should always be available and safe, because mistakes happen. But smart women will take your advice and avoid it at all costs.
Thanks for the positive feedback and I totally agree. And unfortunately, mistakes happen but there’s so much we can do to prevent them 🙂
Good advice, indeed. But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the only 100% risk-free option – abstinence. Not very popular, but VERY effective. : )
Ain’t that the truth! I think it would behoove a lot of young women today to wait until they’re mature enough and in a committed relationship or marriage. Because if something happens, the guy will stand by you – no matter what you decide.
Reblogged this on shaybi343.
Hi, thanks for reflagging! 🙂
I mean reflagging. Doh! 🙂