Tag Archives: Self-esteem

Feb20

24. Doing laundry on a regular basis relieves stress.

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Unless of course, it’s your new Pottery Barn duvet cover, which doesn’t appear to have any washing instructions. As long as I???????????????????????????????????????? can remember, I’ve hated doing laundry. Especially when I lived in apartments where you had to go downstairs with your over-stuffed basket (socks and underwear falling off the top) and then walk what felt like a mile to the laundry room. As if that weren’t bad enough, it always seemed to be raining on those rare occasions when I did decide to make that trek. Oh, and lest we forget about all those lovely people who take your wet stuff out of the washer because you happened to get there two minutes after the machine completed its cycle. So back then, I had an excuse. Although I wonder if I had attempted to do laundry more often if it would have been less stressful. Like one load a week instead of 10 loads in one day. I think while less efficient, given the amount of effort it took to get to and from the laundry room; it would have been worth it. When I did finally get an apartment that had a washer and dryer hook-up, guess what? I still did 10 loads in one day. And it was such a chore. I finally realized that doing one load a week is much more manageable. And now, I have clean underwear all the time (mostly).

Word to the wise: Always having clean clothes (not to mention clean underwear) feels nice. And looking at a half-full laundry basket instead of one that’s brimming over the top won’t make you feel half empty.

So is doing laundry just about doing laundry? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Feb11

Having sex with fewer people is much more fulfilling.

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Boy, I sure wish I’d learned this one before I turned 25. Not that I could be compared to Gene Simmons, but I certainly was no ????????????????????????????????????????angel. And while some of it may have been fun, most of the time, I felt empty and unfulfilled. Inside, I always wished that each one would be the one. And as the years passed, all of these encounters didn’t bring me any closer to what I really wanted – a loving relationship with my soul mate. I recently watched an indie film called “Tiny Furniture,” which was the precursor to the HBO series, “Girls.” Honestly, it made me melancholy and quite sad. I thought young women had come so far and weren’t doing the stupid stuff that I did. Or at least not as much of it. All this talk of “Girl Power” allowed me to believe that we were above degrading ourselves for some loser guy. That said, if you still want to have “fun” and think you can handle it – all I can say is be safe. But also, be honest with yourself about what it is you really want.

Here are a few good questions to ask yourself about your friends with benefits relationship or other casual encounters: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/donna-davidge/casual-sex-good-idea-you

Word to the wise: A good lay is just a good lay. It won’t keep you warm at night, especially after the door closes and someone says they’ll call and they never do.

What do you think about casual sex? Do you think these experiences hurt or help young women? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Jan4

19. Nurture your career early on.

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It took me awhile to find my career path. Remember, it also took me 10 years to graduate from college. So by the time I found out I hwas interested in advertising, I was already 27. My first advertising job was at a big agency in Los Angeles and I started as a senior print traffic manager. Essentially, I ran stuff around all over the place. Anyway, this position allowed me to interact with virtually everyone and every department at the agency. And I knew within the first couple of months that I wanted to be a copywriter. This was not an easy choice – being a copywriter involves putting a portfolio together and praying that some creative director will like it enough to give you a chance. So I immediately started taking portfolio classes in Los Angeles and asked copywriters at the agency to mentor me. Many of them let me sharpen my teeth on some copywriting assignments, which included a TV spot for the Los Angeles Public Library, where I got to work with Stockard Channing. I did all this in addition to my day job, and eventually, I became a copywriter. At some other agency – but that’s another story.

Word to the wise: When it comes to your career, don’t wait. Do everything you can, as early as you can, and you’ll be on the path to success sooner. Better yet, if you graduated college in four years (see post #13, “Don’t Take 10 Years to Get a Four-Year Degree), you’ll have a huge leg up on someone like me. If you’re still trying to figure things out, visit http://www.careerpath.com. They’ve got some great advice and a test you can take to see what best suits your talents.

Was your career path straight and narrow? Did you get to where you want to be early in life? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Jan2

18. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t worry so much about what you don’t.

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I woke up this morning feeling a little blue, thinking and worrying about the things I don’t have. Like a husband. Or a house on ????????????????????????????????????????the beach. And more money in my savings account. There are some other things on the list, but you get the idea. I remember one of my roommates always used to say, “Focus on what you have, not on what you don’t.” Sometimes, that’s hard to do. So, I try to think about my life and the things I have, like: a loving family, supportive friends, a beautiful cat, a condo I own, freedom, independence, this blog, a fun car, the beach (10 minutes away), and most important, my health. I’m sure if I think on it a little harder and a little longer, there’s lots of other great stuff in my life, too. And even if I don’t have everything I want (right now), I realize I have more than most.

Word to the wise: Don’t let what you want get in the way of what you have. There are many gifts in your life. As you can see from my list, most of them have nothing to do with money. Although it never hurts to have some. Make a point of recognizing and being grateful for your gifts. And if you’re really bummed, just listen to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” by Bobby McFerrin. If that doesn’t make you feel better, I don’t know what will.

What do you do when you get the blues? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec17

16. Give to charity, even when you think you’re broke.

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While I’d like to take credit for thinking of this one, it’s really Suze Orman who inspired me to do this in my own life. I had read her hbook, “The Courage to Be Rich, Creating a Life of Financial and Spiritual Abundance,” and this was one of her ideas that really stood out. Basically, the thought is if you give to someone else, it makes you feel like you have something to give, and that feels good. So even if you can’t afford a chai latte every day, when you really think about it, there are people and animals that are much worse off than you. Her book also states that by giving to charity, you will become richer by doing so. I think that’s true both spiritually and materially. Even if you have just a little, for someone less fortunate, it can go a long way. Maybe it’s that whole law of the universe kind of a thing. When you give, you get back. The true challenge I’ve found is not the giving – it’s who to give to. You want to make sure that your hard-earned money is going where it really needs to go. And not into the pocket of some administrator.

Word to the wise: Give a little and you’ll get a lot. But just make sure you do your research. A great place to start is www.charitywatch.org. It rates charities on how they spend your money. And hey, anything you give is also a tax write-off. Now don’t you feel richer already?

Have any favorite charities? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec14

15. If your married boss asks you to take pictures of him naked, don’t.

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Yes, that really happened to me and boy, was it surreal. Needless to say, I didn’t take him up on his offer and things at the office hwere more than a little awkward after that. Oh and whatever you do, don’t go out with married guys, especially if they’re your boss. Just don’t go out with married guys in general. No matter how often they ask. Even if they offer to take you away for the weekend to some really cool place you can’t afford because you’re trying to pay off your credit card debt (see post #6, “Lots of credit card debt is no way to go through your 20s”). Not my finest moment, but I did go away to Mexico for a weekend with another boss who was married and beyond persistent. The affair didn’t last long and I lost my job because of it. What can I say? I was only 27 and the guy wined and dined me and told me I was the most wonderful thing in the world. But it didn’t change the fact that he was married and had three kids. Had the affair continued, I would have been alone at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, not to mention Valentine’s Day, while he was spending time with his wife and family. I’m so glad that I never had to go through any of that. I never looked at a married man again, even if he looked at me.

Word to the wise: Don’t date married men. You have everything to lose – including precious time – while they have everything to gain. And if you were his wife, how would you feel? If you believe in karma, and I sure do, keep yours good. Check out what this guy has to say on the subject:

http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/is-it-ever-right-to-have-an-affair-with-a-married-man/

Ever dated someone who’s married? How did it turn out? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec12

14. A dirty car says more about you than you think it does.

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You know, I was a real car slob – and not just in my teens and 20s. I honestly don’t know how I ever got past a first date, hespecially if I was driving (hint – one way to avoid this altogether is to make the guy drive). One of my favorite cars, I remember it fondly, was a black Nissan Sentra. It lit up like an airplane cockpit at night. And I had so much stuff in it that you could barely get in the front seat – let alone put your feet anywhere. Between my CD collection (of course the cases were everywhere but I could never find the CD that went with each case), water bottles, junk mail, dry cleaning and used condoms (kidding), the state of my car became a joke among my family and friends. Although it would appear I was the only one who didn’t get it. Honestly, it was embarrassing. And, it sort of made me feel bad about myself, which, when I was in my 20s, I had more than enough to feel bad about already.

Word to the wise: Today, I’m a neat car freak. And the best part of all, I’m never embarrassed to drive. Or meet someone for a date and have him walk me to my car. Of course, what happens after that is anyone’s guess.

Are you a car star or slob? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec10

13. Don’t take 10 years to get your four-year degree.

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Taking 10 years instead of the requisite four to get your college degree is definitely something I wouldn’t recommend. It’s time consuming and expensive. Especially if you keep switching your major. Case in point: me. I didn’t stick to the major I started with – Theater Arts. Let’s just say my dad wasn’t too thrilled with my ambitions (or prospects) of being an actress. So to appease him, I became a business major. This time, I was the one who wasn’t too thrilled. So I decided to change my major yet again. I chose English Literature, figuring it was practical, yet creative. Finally, at the age of 27, yours truly was awarded a Bachelor of Arts in English. If I’d just stuck to theater arts (and honestly, if you’re a liberal arts major, nobody really cares what your degree is in), I could have had my degree when I was 22. I do have a ton of units, by the way. Although, today some might say getting a four-year degree isn’t worth it. But a recent study says it is:

http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2012/05/10/what-does-a-college-degree-really-get-you-in-2012/

Word to the wise: Unless you want to be a doctor, lawyer or nuclear physicist, get your degree in four years – even if your major is Home Economics. One of my roommates chose that as her major and ended up being a real-estate appraiser making upward of $175,000 per year (well, the market was good once).

How long did it take you to get your degree and do you think it matters? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in“Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec7

12. If you decide to pierce your nose, make sure it doesn’t look like a booger on the inside of your nostril.

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Ok, on this one I’m not talking from personal experience. Meaning, I’ve never pierced my nose. I tried to double pierce my ears once, Fotosearch_k3732974but the new holes kept getting infected and I had to let them close. Hope you’re not eating while you read this. Anyway, the reason I’m bringing up this situation is because there’s this young woman I’ve known for about two years and every time I see her, it looks like she has a bat in the cave. I finally figured out she had her nose pierced. What I realized after this about nose piercings in general is, if you have really wide nostrils like my friend, the stud looks like a booger to the untrained eye. And if the piercing is really small on the outside of the nose, like my friend’s, you might not even notice that the nose is pierced at all.

Word to the wise: If you’re going to pierce your nose, make sure you have small nostrils. Or if you have wide nostrils, make sure people can see it on the outside of your nose (a ring might be a great solution – really hard to miss those). It has to be big enough so we can easily distinguish a piercing from a booger. Nuff said.

What do you think? Have any insights on nose piercings, the good, the bad, and the ugly? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

Dec5

11. Travel with a tour group.

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I went to Italy on a guided bus tour for 11 days and this was one of the best experiences of my life. I highly recommend taking a trip hlike this before you’re 25. If you can do it alone, even better. Because you’re going to meet lots of people, many of whom will take you under their wing. I remember on my Italy tour, one of the girls who traveled alone celebrated her 21st birthday at a Tuscan farmhouse having the most incredible food and wine while enjoying the well wishes of her travel companions, which included a very happy me. Not to mention, all of us dancing the “Macarena” with a goofy Italian DJ. And the night before her 21st birthday, we all had dinner in this incredible piazza in Rome where I introduced her to Sambuca. Yeah, I’m a bad influence (see post #74, “Learn how to make a killer cocktail and always have the ingredients on hand at your place”) I’m sure that’s one birthday she’ll never forget. The other really great thing about a tour like this is if you go to a country where you don’t speak the language, everything is taken care of for you. We never had to buy a ticket to a museum, or worry about our luggage, where to go and how to get there. I’ve traveled the other way – driving 1,600 miles across Ireland – and I can tell you the days we took bus tours were the ones we looked forward to most of all. For my trip to Italy, every day was a bus day and every day was absolutely the best.

Word to the wise: If you want to go somewhere far away, a bus tour is your best bet. I wish I had done it sooner. I’m doing one again next year. And you should, too. Here’s the company I went with, in case you’re interested, they go over all over the world and I highly recommend them:

http://www.globusjourneys.com

What do you think? Ever traveled with a group? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”