Category Archives: Dating

36. Be a good host.

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While knowing how to be a good guest is important, learning how to be a good host is essential. And it’s not as hard as you might think. Whether it’s the holidays or any day, it’s fairly easy to make your guests feel special. I tend to find that mostdreamstime_s_16853082 people are just glad to be invited. If you keep that in mind, you can minimize your stress and entertain with ease. Also, you don’t need to bust your budget. Here are some things I always keep on hand, which gives me the pleasure of inviting anyone over at any time:

Salami, cheese, crackers, frozen hot appetizers (cocktail hot dogs, artichoke dip, taquitos, quiches, etc., you get the idea), apples, a bottle of red and white wine

Of course, you’ll also want to make sure you have:

Toilet paper in your bathroom(s), tissue in your bathroom(s), hand soap, guest towels – just large napkins (hand towels can make people squeamish – ok, well maybe that’s just me)

I think the most important aspect of being a good host is being a generous one. Giving freely what you have (even if it’s just cheese and crackers) and opening your home and heart. Here’s to being a good host in 2014 and beyond!

For some really cool tips on all kinds of parties, nobody does it better than http://www.bhg.com/party. And if you’re paranoid about red wine and other food stains, like me, check this out: http://www.bhg.com/wedding/recipes/tips-for-cleaning-emergency-party-spills.

Word to the wise: It’s fun having people over and you really don’t have to do too much to make them feel at home. Your family and friends will always appreciate the effort and the more you do it, the better your hosting skills will become.

What was the best party you ever gave? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Special note: It’s been a crazy year and I look forward to being back up online regularly in 2014. Thanks to everyone for your support and comments.

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31. Life is long.

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Even though we’re always being told the exact opposite. Not to mention, I’ve had a few very close friends die young. So you ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????could also argue against me on that score if you’ve lost someone way before they were supposed to go. But let me explain why life, generally is long. And just so I don’t hog all the credit, it was my always late, cheap ex-boyfriend who laid that philosophy on me and it really resonated then and continues to do so now. We were having one of our many “discussions” about how the fact that he was always two hours late annoyed me, was disrespectful, etc. (he was probably out on another date before he came over, but I digress). I remember he paused, looked at me and said, “Eva, life is long.” Basically he was saying it was too long to deal with my s—t. At that moment, I realized it was also too long to deal with his. I knew that unless a truck hit either of us the next day, if I didn’t end it, we could have gone on like that for years. Because he was getting exactly what he wanted: me at his convenience; and I was nowhere near to getting what I wanted: commitment. This is just one of many examples where if you look at the road ahead as short, you may be short-sighting yourself. You have to think long-term. And I know that’s really hard to do when you’re in your 20s. Hell, it’s hard to do at any age.

Word to the wise: Life is only short when it’s good. My grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 94, may God bless him. You might get to be that old, too. Imagine your life one year from now. Five years from now. Ten years from now. How about 50? Make sure you’re living the life you want to.

Can you think of any situations that are making your life longer? Please share. Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

Guest blog: Letting go

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I’m pleased and excited to present a guest blog today, “Letting go” by the writer and creator of The Reporter and The Girl
MINUS The Superman series. This raw, captivating blog documents the trials and tribulations of her 14-month relationship with a reporter. Our guest’s blog, http://thereporterandthegirl.com/tag/the-reporter-and-the-girl/ also has the distinction of being the web’s 29th Most Popular Relationship blog.

I reached out to her to write about letting go and how hard it can be. Here’s her words of wisdom on this difficult subject:

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Shrimp, chives, and mayonnaise.

That what’s in this salad I bought at my local deli nearly 3 weeks agoHHHhhhmmmm….and it looked good as the man scooped up some and weighed it out for me in a container to take home.  But I never got a chance to taste it. I came down with a flu/cold/plague that left me feverish in bed drinking tea and soup for a week.

And the container sat there, until I finally convinced myself to toss it into the trash today.

I had been trying to talk myself out of taking a little bite, just to please my curiosity.

Are you still holding on to the trash in your life?

It may be a little controversial to think of that ex as “trash,” but when something or someone is stinking up your life and making you miserable—you gotta take it out.

Letting go is the hardest but yet will give you the most relief so you can clear space in your heart, mind and if need be –your fridge for fresh new life.

It’s also a process too; unlike tossing a container into the bag in one step.  This may require deleting old messages, defriend or unfollowing on social media sites, and maybe avoiding certain gathering places.

Now, I’ll admit that I’m no expert on relationships or post-break up protocols, I can only give what I have learned from my break up experience and over a period of many weeks, I began to let go of the pieces one by one.

Know that it’s normal to want to cling on to some memory or reminder of our loved ones, but more importantly, know that you’ll be ok without them.  The truth is s/he is probably doing ok without you too.

If you have friends and family around, hang out with them more often so you won’t feel so lonely, and if you are alone, then do something that puts yourself first – like a favorite activity you had no time for in the past or even treating yourself  to something you’ve always wanted to do!

And in the case where you really can’t stop thinking about the past, do something creative with it. I started writing as way to express my feelings to Jon*.  Perhaps you can write a letter to your ex or song or a poem or any other creative outlet. Sometimes exerting our emotions into something tangible can give us relief.

But letting go of that dead weight – bad feelings, anger and resentment, etc…is the best thing that you can do for YOU.  You gain control again of yourself and prove that no one can stink up your life.

TheGirl,

Writer and Creator of TheReporterandTheGirlMINUSTheSuperman series

www.TheReporterandTheGirl.com

www.Twitter.com/ReporterandGirl

www.Facebook.com/TheReporterandTheGirl

30. Learn how to smile sweetly and say, “No thanks.”

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I have a friend who I deem to be the master of this skill. I remember this guy at the office was going around asking everyone for ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????money to buy raffle tickets for his church. Now mind you, in that office, it seemed like we were giving money every day for some worthy cause – starving children, breast cancer, world peace, you get the idea. Well this guy comes around to me and of course, even though he annoys the crap out of me on a personal level, I give him the money. I asked my friend if she contributed to his cause as well, and she said she didn’t. And I was like wow, how did you get out of that one? That was when she imparted a lesson on me that I still need to learn: When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to, smile sweetly and say, “No thanks.” A few years have passed and I’ve mostly lived by this rule, until recently. Another friend of mine and I were meeting for happy hour and she sent me a text asking if it was okay to invite this guy she met at another happy hour because it could be a “good networking opportunity.” And I’m thinking, for whom? Because she had already told me about this guy, and said he looked like Danny Devito, but was kind of “sweet.” Needless to say, I did not want him to join us. But did I text back sweetly, “No thanks,” as a wise woman would do? And believe me, in this case, I really should have. Because when I got to the bar, I see her sitting with this guy and he looks like he’s about 80. My friend said he would just “stop by” but ended up staying the whole time, regaling us with his stories about how successful he is and how he represented himself in court five times and won. Of course, I asked him what he was charged with and he became very evasive and said, “White collar stuff.” The best part, he starts to hit on my friend who is probably 40 years his junior. “You have such beautiful skin,” he says to her. I excused myself to the restroom at this point in protest and disgust. Later, she tells me he asked her out. The real clincher: when the bill came, Mr. Successful insisted we split it three ways. It just goes to show even old guys can be douche bags.

Word to the wise: A little no thanks goes a long way. When you think about it, it’s really hard to argue or get offended by someone who says this to you. It softens the blow and saves you from looking like the bad guy.

When is it hard for you to say no? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

28. A man who is cheap with his wallet will also be cheap with his heart.

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Unfortunately, I’ve dated a lot of cheap men in my life. I’m certainly not proud of this fact and it I think a lot of it has to do with???????????????????????????????????????? self worth. I also think the lines for young women are blurred even more today than they were when I was in my 20s. But that still doesn’t mean you should date a man who splits everything 50/50 or won’t take you out and pay. As one of my eloquent cheap ex-boyfriends tried to argue, I was an “independent woman” and that I should pay when we go out, even though he seemed to conveniently forget that I cooked dinner for him every week and he never once brought over a bottle of wine. I got over him (finally) after we went on a ski weekend together and after we had split everything down the middle, he had the nerve to ask me for gas money. It was the last straw. But here’s what I also have found about men like these: when they aren’t generous with their money, they won’t open their hearts either. It’s weird how this behavior seems to go hand in hand. My dad, a very wise man, says, “character counts.” The way a man treats his money and how he spends it on you (or doesn’t) is a key insight into his character. I know a lot of young men will make the same argument as my ex-boyfriend (who was in his 40s, by the way) but don’t fall for it. Cheap is as cheap does. And trust me, it still isn’t easy for me to let a guy pay. Those moments while the check sits on the table cause me major anxiety and I feel like I have to do something like offer to “help” or pay the tip. I’ve done both of those things. But I’ve found when I didn’t do either, I felt much better. If the guy really cares about you, he will, too. So I’ve finally sworn off of cheap men because it’s not worth going out with a guy knowing you can treat yourself better than he can.

Word to the wise: Cheap men are a dime a dozen and it pays to find the ones who aren’t. If you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, this is the right place to start. And here’s a few more thoughts on this topic:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/103_dating_girl.html

Do you agree with the correlation of man’s heart to his wallet? Ever dated a cheap guy? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

27. Be on time.

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For me, this one has always been easy. Because I hate to keep people waiting. Especially people I care about. Which is why I ???????????????????????????????????????can’t relate to or understand lateness. When I’m on time, it shows my family and friends that I value theirs. I remember I had this boyfriend who was always late and it drove me crazy. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. He told me he had a friend who whenever they made plans to get together would ask, “Is that Steve time, or Pacific time?” I thought this was pretty funny. But not for long. And don’t even get me started on the boyfriend (a different Steve) who kept me waiting 45 minutes at a restaurant because he was watching “Jeopardy.” Actually, I can’t believe I stuck around. But I was in my 20s and those were the days, as Lena Dunham of “Girls,” says where we have complete self-confidence and no self-worth. I definitely suffered from that affliction, which is no doubt why my dating life was one disaster after another. What I will say to all you late folks out there who may never change their ways no matter how much it annoys, irritates and feels disrespectful to their friends, boyfriends, children, husbands, etc.: If you’re going to be consistently late, at least apologize. That can make all the difference in the world. I’ve found that most people who are late, don’t do this and it kind of blows my mind. I feel far more forgiving toward those who do. Maybe you’ve seen the license plate frame, “Always late, but worth the wait.” Are you?

Word to the wise: If you’re always late, not everyone will wait. If you care enough, or someone makes you care enough, you’ll change. And if you’re always on time like me, it helps to bring a book.

Are you an early or late bird? Ever have anyone not wait for you and how did you feel about it? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

26. Learn how to make a killer cocktail and always have the ingredients on hand.

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Admittedly, I still haven’t mastered this one. I don’t even own a shaker. A friend of mine uses plastic wrap and a bowl to mix???????????????????????????????????????? her martinis. I think a cocktail shaker is like $5 at IKEA. I really should go get one of those. Because then I’d be well on my way to making my killer cocktail. Which would probably be a dirty martini or Cosmo. Actually, I already have vodka. Now if I just had some vermouth, cranberry juice and lots of jumbo green olives, we could really get this party started. I guess my point is, beer and wine are fine, but some occasions call for something special. Like the first time he picks you up at your place. Having a signature libation can showcase your creativity and sophistication. Not to mention that it makes you kind of cool. Do you know what your killer cocktail would be?

Word to the wise: Bring some retro into your life. Take a cue from the TV show “Mad Men” and spruce up your cocktail repertoire. Once you’ve picked your potion, test it on yourself. Even if it’s on a night where it’s just you, your jammies and Netflix, you’ll feel fabulous.

Here’s a recipe I’d like to try: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/sour-apple-martini-10000000434061/

Know how to make one great drink? What’s your recipe? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”