Tag Archives: boyfriends

15. If your married boss asks you to take pictures of him naked, don’t.

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Yes, that really happened to me and boy, was it surreal. Needless to say, I didn’t take him up on his offer and things at the office hwere more than a little awkward after that. Oh and whatever you do, don’t go out with married guys, especially if they’re your boss. Just don’t go out with married guys in general. No matter how often they ask. Even if they offer to take you away for the weekend to some really cool place you can’t afford because you’re trying to pay off your credit card debt (see post #6, “Lots of credit card debt is no way to go through your 20s”). Not my finest moment, but I did go away to Mexico for a weekend with another boss who was married and beyond persistent. The affair didn’t last long and I lost my job because of it. What can I say? I was only 27 and the guy wined and dined me and told me I was the most wonderful thing in the world. But it didn’t change the fact that he was married and had three kids. Had the affair continued, I would have been alone at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, not to mention Valentine’s Day, while he was spending time with his wife and family. I’m so glad that I never had to go through any of that. I never looked at a married man again, even if he looked at me.

Word to the wise: Don’t date married men. You have everything to lose – including precious time – while they have everything to gain. And if you were his wife, how would you feel? If you believe in karma, and I sure do, keep yours good. Check out what this guy has to say on the subject:

http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/is-it-ever-right-to-have-an-affair-with-a-married-man/

Ever dated someone who’s married? How did it turn out? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

14. A dirty car says more about you than you think it does.

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You know, I was a real car slob – and not just in my teens and 20s. I honestly don’t know how I ever got past a first date, hespecially if I was driving (hint – one way to avoid this altogether is to make the guy drive). One of my favorite cars, I remember it fondly, was a black Nissan Sentra. It lit up like an airplane cockpit at night. And I had so much stuff in it that you could barely get in the front seat – let alone put your feet anywhere. Between my CD collection (of course the cases were everywhere but I could never find the CD that went with each case), water bottles, junk mail, dry cleaning and used condoms (kidding), the state of my car became a joke among my family and friends. Although it would appear I was the only one who didn’t get it. Honestly, it was embarrassing. And, it sort of made me feel bad about myself, which, when I was in my 20s, I had more than enough to feel bad about already.

Word to the wise: Today, I’m a neat car freak. And the best part of all, I’m never embarrassed to drive. Or meet someone for a date and have him walk me to my car. Of course, what happens after that is anyone’s guess.

Are you a car star or slob? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

10. Don’t spend a weekend away with someone you just met.

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As in don’t have some guy you met in a bar fly 3,000 miles to spend a weekend with you. Yes, I did that once. I’m trying to remember hhow old I was. Probably in my early 20s. It all started at this cool dance club in New York called the Limelight and he was charming, Italian and his real name was Angelo, although he went by “Chuck.” Maybe that should have been my first clue. After a night of drinking and dancing – and that’s all – somehow I thought it would be fun for him to come and visit me in California and stay at my place. He actually took me up on the offer and about a month later, I was picking him up at the airport and he was in my apartment. I have no idea what possessed either of us. Because I realized when I saw him again, I wasn’t attracted to him. A dark nightclub, great music and dim lighting does a lot for a person. Or maybe it was just one of those magical nights that should have stayed just that. Regardless, it was one of the longest weekends ever. When he realized he wasn’t going to get what he came for, he began to nitpick everything about me. And I probably wasn’t too much of a peach to him either.

Word to the wise: Going away for a weekend with a guy you don’t know very well could end up being the longest weekend of your life. Spending that much time with someone is a big deal. And when you add the stress of travel combined with your respective quirks, fun isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. Even with someone you know well, a weekend away can be longer than you think.

What do you think? Have you ever gone away for a weekend with someone and regretted it? Note: If I’m lucky enough to get a book deal, your comments may be published anonymously in, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

8. Listen to your parents.

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Over the course of my life, I’ve done the math and it turns out my parents are right about 90 percent of the time.

That’s a pretty good statistic seeing as they’re probably the only two people in the world who want what’s best for me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that blood truly is thicker than water.  While I’m fortunate enough to be blessed with many great friends, sometimes, understandably so, they’re caught up in their own stuff and may not always give the best advice. On the other hand, my parents are always caught up in my stuff, because they’re my parents (this can be a blessing and a curse). So let’s see, what have my parents been right about so far?

  1. Telling me to never ever date anyone named Steve again.
  2. Cheering me on to break up with every Steve (and there have been at least five).
  3. Not saving me by paying off my credit card debt, but helping me by paying off my student loans.
  4. Pushing me to get my college degree.
  5. Asking me to always lock my doors and windows.
  6. Making me wear a sweater when it’s cold. (Now this one is questionable because recent studies show that being out in the cold doesn’t mean you’ll catch cold. But my dad won’t have any of it).
  7. Being happier to see me single than miserable in the wrong relationship.

Those are just a few examples of a lifetime’s worth of my parents’ wisdom. I’m sure you can find a few of your own. 

Word to the wise: Most of the time, it pays to listen to your parents. You may not agree with everything they say, but you should know that’s it’s coming from the best possible place – their hearts. And no one loves you like they do. So the next time they offer you advice, at the very least, think about it.

What do you think? Note: Your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

6. If the guy you’re dating says he “needs space,” he probably needs room to date someone else.

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If I had a nickel for every guy who said that to me, I’d have more money than Bill Gates. Well, almost. And apparently, Taylor Swift just had a similar experience. You should take heart in her song, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” where she sings, “We hadn’t seen each other in a month, when you said you needed space. (What?).” Sound familiar? It sure does to me. If some douche bag told you he needs space, you should really make that song your anthem. And whatever you do, don’t take it personally. Clearly, Taylor Swift didn’t. She just got that sucker back in a song. The lowdown is if some schmuck says this to you, he just wants to keep you dangling while he explores his options. Like the cute blond he met at the club last night. The last time a guy told me he needed space, I was dumb enough to ask, “How much?” Please don’t ever demean yourself this way. If he needs space, give him all the room he needs. Maybe even suggest he move to Montana.

Word to the wise: This is always a no-win situation – for you. If you allow this type of behavior, he will gladly take you for granted and continue dating other women and eventually, break up with you. That may not be what you want to hear, but when you think about all of your friends who are in good relationships or are married, have they ever told you that their guy needed space? If the answer to that is yes, I doubt they have the kind of relationship you want anyway.

What do you think? Note: Your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Should Know.”

5. Facebook is your enemy.

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Look at me. My life sucks. All of my “friends” are always going somewhere exciting, have boyfriends who are willing to take lots of pictures with them and throw really fun parties they don’t invite me to. Reading these posts can incite me to throw a party of my own – a pity party. But then I remember that I went to Italy last year, fulfilling a lifelong dream, and hey, I’m working on writing this blog and getting a book published. And then, well, things start to look up a bit. Maybe if I posted some of that on Facebook, I’d feel better. Someone might even hit the “like” button or make a comment. Wow, I could start feeling really good about myself again. And then whoever reads my posts might feel just like I do when I read theirs. Hmmmm…

Word to the wise: Have a life outside of Facebook. And know that just because people post that they’re having the most wonderful time in the world, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are. Or if it makes you feel better, they are.

What do you think? Note: Your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”

3. If your roommate’s boyfriend is a former felon and she doesn’t know what he was in jail for, move out.

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True story, I kid you not. My final roommate (and the following will give you an indication of why I’ve been living alone ever since) used to bring guys home from bars. We had two bedrooms and we shared a bathroom and a shower. Good times. Especially when strange dudes would sleep over. Like Butch, the felon (and yes, that was his real name). I was told that he served time, but my roommate didn’t know what for. Butch was quite a character. I remember how it creeped me out the way he would look at me before I would go for a jog. Yes, I was wearing shorts and a sports bra, but that wasn’t atypical jogging attire, unless you just got out of the slammer and haven’t seen a woman in five years (just speculation). And get this, according to my roommate Brittany, whose name I’ve changed to protect the stupid, when they went out to dinner and it was time to pay, he would have her go out to the car and start the engine. When he would get in the car, he’d tell her to step on the gas because he had just skipped out on the bill. I believe that’s what they call a “dine and dash.” After hearing about this incident, I moved out pronto.

Word to the wise: When it comes to roommates, know when it’s time to hold ’em and when it’s time to fold ’em. Because your safety and well being come first. You shouldn’t allow any roommate to put either of those things at risk. And if you can afford to live alone, that’s the wisest thing you can do by far.

What do you think? Note: Your comments may be published anonymously in the upcoming book, “Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know.”